Yes, Your Daddy is a Criminal, but so is Everyone Else

The debate about immigration seems to be flaming even greater recently than usual, which was made even more obvious by the marches that were just held. In case you’ve been oblivious to the recent discussions around the nation regarding immigration, Republicans don’t know what to do, the American people are divided on the matter, and Democrats are pissed because nobody cares what they are saying.

So as I was watching the news about these wonderfully productive marches I noticed one of the most amusing signs. It stated, “My Daddy is Not a Criminal”. Let’s think about that for a second. Is he an illegal immigrant? Hmm, well it has the adjective illegal attached onto it, so I would be inclined to say yes, he is a criminal. I’m also sorry to say that every illegal immigrant in the United States is a criminal. When they wake up they are criminals, when they go to work they are criminals, and when they go to bed they are criminals. That father may be a perfectly law-biding citizen in every other way, but his mere presence in this country is illegal, and therefore he IS a criminal.

Now, what I just said might sound a little bit harsh, but it is the truth. There’s also another truth, everyone is a criminal in America. I’m sorry I had to break the news, but yes folks, you’re all criminals. You’re probably thinking to yourself right now, ‘this guy is nuts, I’m not a criminal!’ Guess what, I bet most of you break the law everyday, whether it be speeding in your car, jaywalking, spitting on the sidewalk (this actually illegal in a number of cities), or maybe even loitering (you damn whippersnappers always loitering around). So aren’t we all criminals at least to some degree? Is being an illegal immigrant more criminal than some of the criminal things we do every day?

Illegal immigration is going to happen, that’s a fact, and we Americans have been able to deal with it for quite some time now. The question is should we accommodate illegal immigrants? It seems that many Americans are empathetic towards immigrants whether illegal or not, but also understand that we can’t just allow everyone who wants in to actually come here. To me it seems that the majority of illegal immigrants come here so that they can work, and companies are willing to hire them because they don’t have to pay those minimum wages. The simplest solution to this is to crack down on all the companies that hire immigrants illegally. If there are fewer jobs available for them, they may not be willing to come over quite as quickly. My only concern with this solution is that companies may be fearful of hiring legitimate Mexican workers just because they will not want to take a chance of being investigated at all for hiring anyone who is illegal, thus making life worse for those who are already American citizens or have visas or green cards.

The people I feel who are getting the shortest end of the stick are the legal immigrants. These people have to work so very hard just to get into our country and then they have to know more than almost any state-born American knows about this country to actually become a citizen. Here they spent a lot of money in many cases and worked very hard to get into this country legally, and these illegal immigrants are undermining all of that by just waltzing their way into this country.
So here’s my final solution (I know that sounds bad) to the immigration problem. We give illegal immigrants an ultimatum. We know that we cannot deport every single illegal immigrant in America, and it would be a waste of time to do so. Also many of them obviously love this country and would love to become legal citizens. They get 90 days to take a naturalization test, just the standard one that is used for the citizenship process of green card and visa holders. They may only take the test once and after they have passed it they must take a basic English test to see whether or not they have decided to at least pick up some English and naturalize themselves with our culture. They may only take the test twice. If they fail both times then they are immediately deported back to their country of origin. This of course only work for people who do not have children. If you have children who were born in the United States or are citizens of this country then their parents are automatically given citizenship as well, of course stepchildren do not count. I know this might not be a perfect solution, but I think it’s at least a starting block towards an actual solution towards fixing the immigration problem.

Your daddy may be a criminal, but if he truly loves America and wants to become a citizen he should be given a chance, as should everyone else already living the US.